With recent tragedies in our community, like the home fire in White Bear Lake, many families and children are asking questions and feeling the impact of loss. As we live into our mission of helping people experience the healing power of Christ’s love, we hope these resources equip you to talk with your family about death and grief.
Children often process loss differently than adults—sometimes in waves and in ways that are hard to recognize—so these guidelines are meant to help you approach those conversations with honesty, compassion, and confidence, creating a safe space where they feel supported, understood, and free to express their emotions. We know not every child or family may be navigating this tragedy in the same way, so use these resources today or tuck them away for when your family needs support.
Take a moment for yourself
As a parent, you experience your own sadness, grief, and shock when there is a death in the community. Take time to gather your composure and find a sense of calm before talking with your child.
Expect a range of responses
Children may not respond right away or may seem unaffected. This doesn’t mean they lack feelings—they may not yet know how to express them. Grief often comes in waves, and children may move between strong emotions and normal routines as they begin to understand that death is permanent.
Be prepared for ongoing questions
Children process grief over time, so expect continued conversations. Younger children may ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to make sense of the information. Offer simple, concrete answers. As children grow, their questions may become more detailed.
Validate feelings and encourage expression
Reassure children that all emotions are normal. Encourage them to talk, cry, or express feelings through healthy activities. It’s also okay for them to play and take breaks from grief. Modeling your own feelings can help children understand how to express theirs.
Offer reassurance
Children may react strongly to the death of another child and worry about their own safety. Use simple, direct language to explain how rare such situations are. Remind them of the safe, caring adults in their lives who work to keep them healthy and protected. Create an open, comforting environment where they know they can talk at any time and that there is no “right” way to feel.
Maintain routines and observe behavior
Keep regular routines like school, meals, and bedtime to provide a sense of security. Watch for signs of distress, such as intense sadness, regression, or separation anxiety, and respond with extra support and care.
Create memories or rituals
Help children honor the loss through meaningful activities like sharing stories, looking at photos, drawing, or planting flowers. These rituals can help them process grief and stay connected to the person who died.
Seek professional support if needed
Grief can last for months, but if a child’s reactions become overwhelming or interfere with daily life, consider seeking professional help.
As an additional resource, click HERE for a video to help kids coping with grief and loss.
Don’t hesitate to reach out to our Community Mental Health Coordinator, Jenelle Thorvilson, the Children, Youth & Family Team, or Pastors as needed. We are here for you and your families.