Stories of Transformation

The Rest of the Story
by Troy Kramer, Member

In 1993, I was transferred from Ohio back to the St. Croix Valley. My wife struggled with moving away from her home town, family and friends for the first time.  While I was busy adjusting to the responsibilities of my new job, my wife grew bitter about the sacrifices she was forced to make.  I was sorry about the difficulty she was having, but felt justified in making the decision to move.  I worked for a good company and had accepted a position that provided growth potential.

I had to give up my company vehicle and generous expense account, but my new job at “corporate” had its perks as well.  I had paid (15 minutes) lunch breaks, half of a cubicle to call my own, a personal login ID to my group’s single desktop workstation, a phone that never stopped ringing and a long list of responsibilities that were never discussed during the interview process. I was fortunate that my co-worker was a strong Christian who graciously assumed the role of mentor.

Over the course of the next year, I began to see how mixed up my priorities were, especially those regarding work and family.  I had been willing to sacrifice my relationship with my wife and kids for work.  Work is important, but it was becoming clear that being a financial provider for my family was only a small part of my role as a husband and a father.  From a spiritual perspective, I was doing nothing to lead my family closer to Christ.  Fortunately, I grew more determined to focus on my spiritual responsibilities. 

Not sure where to start, we decided going to church probably wouldn’t hurt.  Our children were baptized, and we started attending church regularly.  During one of the sermons, the subject of tithing was addressed.  I was familiar with the word, but didn’t realize it meant giving 10 percent.  The offering was defined as what we give over and above our tithe.  Was he serious?  I sat there, running the numbers in my head and almost choked on the dollar amount it represented. I left church that day frustrated and angry; I couldn’t believe they actually wanted 10 percent of our income and would be happy to accept an ‘offering’ on top of that.

After moving from Ohio, we went from two full-time incomes to one.  Our house payment was larger and we now had two car payments because I was no longer driving a company vehicle.  Money was always an issue.  The thought of giving 10 percent to the church seemed completely unrealistic. I was convinced that tithing would lead to financial disaster for my family, regardless of God’s will.  We could not afford it, and I had no intention of giving any serious consideration to this idea.  Apparently, God had other plans. 

Over the next six months the subject of tithing weighed heavily on my heart. I could not shake it and truly believe it was the Holy Spirit working on my conscience.  Though my spiritual life was improving, my relationship with my wife continued to deteriorate.  Regardless of the effort put into our relationship, we could not get past the constant friction between us. It broke my heart, but I didn’t know how to fix it.

God was at work in my life.  My faith was getting stronger and he seemed determined to see me put it to the test.  It was the summer of ’95 and I was looking forward to my first Promise Keepers (PK) event.  Prior to attending the conference, I asked God to help me decide what to do about tithing.  The burden of rejecting his will had moved us to the point where we really wanted to tithe, but we were afraid.  I had been a poor steward with the financial gifts God had given me in the past, and we were working hard to pay off old debts.  We just didn’t make enough money to do both.

The PK event focused on building a relationship with Christ and demonstrated why that was the cornerstone for all other relationships.  I felt ashamed when I realized I was responsible for the issues at home. My lack of faith made it impossible for my wife to have faith in me. Giving up everything she loved to follow me was painful and frightening to her.  I had not demonstrated the compassion or leadership worthy of such sacrifice on her part.  My focus on work would never be blessed if I continued to ignore the one who blesses.  

By the end of the event, I wanted nothing more than a strong relationship with Christ.  I realized that by following him, I could be the husband and father he intended me to be and provide the kind of leadership my family really needed.  I was encouraged not to worry about the basics because God knows what we need.  He promised to provide those things. Instead we are to focus on him and follow his will.  Have faith!

Afterward, I asked my wife to forgive me for not being the husband and spiritual leader she deserved. I was committed to changing that and hoped it would eventually improve our situation. Still, I struggled with the decision to tithe.  I wondered if “have faith” was the answer to this prayer.  The message applied, but I was afraid it may be too ambiguous to be the answer I was looking for.  Again I asked God to clarify his will regarding our specific situation.  I wanted to do it, but couldn’t.  There was not enough money.

The next morning, July 16, 1995, we went to church.  Our pastor prepared a sermon that would  deliver God’s answer to me.  When we walked in, I was handed a bulletin.  The front cover read, “Fear nothing for I am with you.”  Immediately I was overwhelmed with a feeling that this was God’s answer to my question.  Fear nothing; surely that would include a shortage of money!   The Gospel lesson was from Matthew 6:25-34. God’s message was personal: “How little faith you have!  No, do not ask anxiously, what are we to eat? What are we to drink?  What shall we wear?  All these are things for the heathen to run after, not for you, because your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  Rather, set your mind on God’s kingdom and his justice before everything else, and all the rest will come to you as well.  So do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself.”  The sermon continued to support this message. 

When it was time for the offering, my wife handed me a blank check.  This was unusual.  The check is always written out prior to going to Church.  I shot her a confused glance and she simply smiled and said, “You decide whether or not we start tithing today.” With a sense of great relief, we did.  I still had no idea how we would pay our bills, but I decided not to worry about it.  I was beginning to understand this was more of a faith decision than a financial decision.  With less than $10 in our checking account and two weeks before my next paycheck, July was proving to be a memorable month.

The next morning I was getting dressed for work, feeling great about the changes that were happening in my life.  I had less money, but more faith.  Still a small voice wondered; could all this just be coincidence? God knew what I was thinking, and wanted to erase any doubt.  As I slipped my foot into my worn dress shoes, I smiled.  I had a hole in the bottom of one shoe, and the side was torn out on the other.  With pocket change in our checking account and a commitment to avoid going further into debt, I knew I could not buy another pair any time soon.  I chuckled and mentioned to God that if he happened to have an extra pair of Florsheim’s lying around, I could really use them. 

After my short commute to work, I noticed a rolled up paper bag on my desk. It was 5:45 a.m. on Monday morning and I was sure I was the first person in our office.  When I opened the bag, I was humbled greatly by the realization that our Lord listens to our prayers, knows our needs, and is willing to provide for us.  The bag contained a new pair shoes; Florsheim of course!  I was speechless.  There could have been a burning bush on my desk that morning and I would not have been more awed than I was holding those shoes.

This story may sound familiar to some of you, but it’s what happened after the shoes that was the greatest blessing.

I was amazed that the Lord would demonstrate his presence and his faithfulness in such dramatic fashion.  I was reassured that our decision to tithe was the right decision and was grateful to have that burden lifted. My most urgent need, however, was to strengthen my marriage.

Confident that God would help me be a better man, I prayed that he would help my wife forgive me and let go of some of the hurt and anger she felt towards me.  I was willing to do the work and make the changes; I just needed a partner willing to accept them.  I felt desperate. She was my best friend and for well over a year, there was too much distance and anger between us.  Prior to the PK event, I had never accepted responsibility for the situation.  I had just expected her to work through the changes.
For several days, I simply prayed for the opportunity to change how she felt. I hadn’t done anything different except rely on God. I knew I couldn’t fix our relationship on my own.  Several days later, my wife laid her head on my shoulder while we talked before going to sleep. I was surprised because that type of closeness between us was a distant memory.  She said that things had changed recently.  She still missed her family, but was beginning to see benefits of living in this area, she loved going to our church and had begun to feel like she did when we first met.  I could not even respond to her. This was more than I had prayed for and more than I would have hoped for.  Even the shoes paled in comparison to this moment.

I’m unable to sufficiently convey the impact these events had on my life. Suffice it to say, we’re still tithing and happily married.  I would encourage anyone who hasn’t done so to take a leap of faith in Jesus Christ and experience the freedom his love provides.  I assure you, God will completely justify your faith in him. 

(Troy is on the St. Andrew’s Church Council, ushers, and has taught Confirmation.)